Cry Baby!

Joshua never cries and has not done since he was a baby. we have seen him have horrendous injuries, cutting his head open when he has had a seizure and fallen into a cast iron stove or splitting his chin on a ceramic toilet for instance, yet he did not shed a tear. I recall him howling in pain, rather like a wounded animal, a sound I had never heard him utter before when we came home from A&E after he had his scalp glued back together.

I, on the other hand, cry very readily: I am always on the brink of tears and usually, it is people being kind about Joshua that sets me off. I managed to hold it together for around 90 minutes in his Annual Review, until Joshua came in an hugged his dad, and I dissolved into tears and could not re-gain my composure after that. My emotions are very close to the surface and many of them are happy tears : I earned a cry baby reputation at the first Harvest festival I went to at Joshua’s current school as I wailed all the way through at the children’s commitment , the beauty of the harvest songs – hymns and carols always get me! – and the signing at the front of the service. all of the staff enquired about my well-being as they filed past me at the end of the service.

This weepiness is a hereditary condition, my aunts and mother are the same and I do not think that it is a bad thing,. even if Joshua has not inherited the same tendency. It can make people uncomfortable, but  it is not a ploy or anything that I can control, it is just part of who i am, and who I have always been and none of my experiences with Joshua have altered that. I think that often tears are often a ‘safety valve’ and they prevent emotions from building up too much, to explosive levels. I usually feel better after a cry so, should you see me crying, I do not need to be comforted, I just need to be given space to express myself and my emotions.

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