Yesterday Joshua woke early, after an unsettled night, but he appeared to be brewing a seizure – he was staring and trembling, and kept disappearing in and out. The problem is that I was due to be working away in London all day, and so I warned my childcare that he might not be very lively and left him with a supply of his emergency medicine. It was not an easy decision to make, as I was uncomfortable leaving Joshua. But I trust Joshua’s carer to take good care of him; I know she adores him and she is familiar with Joshua’s seizures and has experience of administering his emergency medication.
So I made the decision to leave Joshua in her capable hands and to honour my work commitment in London. I was nervous leaving him and I kept in frequent text contact, receiving regular updates on his condition. But my alternative was to sit at home and await the inevitable. In reality, the inevitable seizure never took place and he was very vocal all day, even though he kept having frequent absences.
I felt immense relief to be homeward bound, to be able to resume my mothering-duties. Joshua’s dad was first home and he got a big smile and a hug, but he was nodding off by the time I got back. Nonetheless I sat next to him on the settee and we cuddled, while his dad made us homemade soup.
It is very difficult, when you are used to being virtually full-time carer, to hand over that responsibility, but trust is an essential ingredient of that process. I could not have left my vulnerable son with someone else that had not earned my trust over the last 14 and a half years and thank heavens for mobile phones as a lifeline to keep in touch. I am now going to try to take my staring boy to bed, to see if we can get some sleep. Good night.