Quietly reflecting

Joshua spent more time awake at school yesterday and he was lively when he got home too. I was working away and got home at 9pm, by which time he was bathed and tucked up in bed, so I hardly saw him all day. I went into his bedroom and simply gave him a good night kiss and lay next to him for a short while, listening to his rhythmic snores. Then I took my hot drink into the bath, where I was able to relax away the many stresses of the working day.

The selfish part of me was relieved that, when I was late home after a long day, that somebody else had taken on my usual duties of bath and bed routine, so that I could focus only on myself. But there was also a disappointed side of me that missed my boy, that regretted not seeing him awake and getting one of his huge bear hugs and seeing his smile as a welcome home. It is like when they are new babies and you spend all day trying to get your crying baby to go to sleep and then when he finally does, that you miss him and want to wake him up again. I resisted, I did not wake Joshua up and I used my free time wisely, with a bath and early night.

I was able to do that because I know that today I will be coming home from work early for the ‘school run’, as we are expecting our final visit from our social worker this afternoon. So, if Joshua is awake after school, it is me who will get the benefit today and I feel as though that is time that we both deserve and time that we missed out on yesterday.

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