I am pleased to report that, although still poorly, Joshua and I were much better yesterday than we were the day before because his temperature remained stable, Joshua slept until 2.30pm – so 13 hours sleep helped him and it gave me a napping opportunity too!- and my headache faded too. Neither of us set foot outside all day and so I am hoping that we are firmly on the road to recovery now. That being said, we have still changed our weekend plans and I am really disappointed. We were supposed to be spending the weekend staying at Mum’s house, my sister was coming over to join the fun today,we had booked a Thai meal tonight while Granny babysat and we were helping my parents in law on Sunday. And instead I am being sensible and staying home now, so that we do not infect anyone else and my husband is going without us. This is not what I had planned for this weekend.
So I have talked before about my frustration at having to break made-plans but this one is nothing to do with Joshua’s disabilites, this could have happened to any family.Just that we seem to be more unreliable than most when it comes to honouring commitments. Usually I wait until the last minute to commit to an event, hoping to be able to gauge first whether or not we will be able to make it. Sometimes this lack of eagerness to accept an invitation might appear to be a lack of enthusiasm, but that is not the case. There is a recent example of this, my cousin’s baby’s christening invitation which was issued last month, I saw all the online RSVPs but did not feel able to commit, not knowing how Joshua might be by the end of this month. So in the end, I have replied on my own behalf only saying that I plan to come for the day, by myself. When it comes to the 28th February, if Joshua is on good form and awake early, I may decide to include him on this family day. Either way, my husband has declined the invitation so he will either stay home alone or with Joshua in tow. And my decision, albeit tardy, was welcomed.
Regularly I have had a dilemma at 7am on weekdays, as to whether to cancel the council-provided taxi or not, whether Joshua is going to school or not. I find that a tricky choice to make when he is often fast asleep at the time, but perhaps had seizures overnight or was ill the night before. Not an easy decision and often a deciding factor is what I am doing with my day; Got to take into account if it is my Friday off , without any plans, so that I could accommodate him into my day, if Yorkshire Grandma is around to keep him at home if it is a working day or if it is a day when I am travelling far from home with work, if that is the case then I am less likely to take the risk of school. Complex thoughts and scenarios run through my mind early in the morning. Often I make the wrong choice : I can keep him at home with me or Yorkshire Grandma and he turns out to be fine or I gamble and send him to school, then I get the inevitable call to pick him up. So that is never easy . I can feel as though I have done a day’s work, all before it is light and while I am still in my PJs!
Crafty Joshua went through a phase when I was cancelling his taxi regularly, that he would lie in bed looking pale, exhausted and ill. And so I would make the call to his Transport escort to cancel her taxi and to explain that he would not be going to school. Never sure if I was imagining it, but I often thought that I saw a smile flash across his face as he rolled over in bed and snuggled down for more sleep and planned his duvet day! But surely my innocent angel, could not be so sneaky as to manipulate his mother??