Living with unpredictability

I have often talked about living with Joshua meaning that we have had to get used to changing plans at the last minute, but this has equipped me to better deal with unpredictability in my life generally. At this moment, I should be on holiday on the South coast withmy husband and son. Instead, Joshua and I are still at home and my husband is still staying with his mother,  visiting his father in hospital.

As yesterday wore on, it became more apparent that we were not going to be going away and so I have put our booking ‘on hold’, and helpfully, we can redeem my booking at any time in the next 90 days, so all is not lost. We are making new plans on a daily basis as nobody knows when things will resolve and our ‘normal’ family life will resume. Fortunately as a personality type I am laid back and I do not need to know what is going to happen tomorrow.  Luckily Joshua is not a child who has been counting down his ‘sleeps’ until his holiday or is one that is freaked out by a change of plan. We are both content to wait and see what happens and to make new plans when the time comes, as that is how our life, since Joshua arrived, has always been.

There is no point in getting frustrated, as these changes cannot be helped and nobody is delibaerately being awkward. However I will admit that it is frustrating and disappointing. And so the temptation is never to make any future plans, for fear of not being able to keep them. Now that would be foolish and would deprive us all of having anything to look forward to, which is one of life’s real pleasures. Keeping commitments might be problematic, but I still have a calendar full of futures plans – weekends away, christenings, concerts and holidays. September will bring a big birthday for me and I hope to fill that month with celebrations.4 weeks of fun and games should be on the cards, unless something else gets in the way.

Changes have taken place over time in my personality. Over the years I have become more spontaneous in the way that plans are made. My sister and niece on the other hand like to know a plan and to know what will be happening next. In fact, that is the reason that I initially resisted us all going on holiday together. Nervous about our different approaches towards plans and spontaneity. Going to Florida together however was great fun and we all adapted and had the best time, with a reasonable mix of planning and last-minute decisions.2 years later I would love to go away with them again, we really made a great team. Perhaps we will organise something similar for my birthday in the Autumn? Leaving any planning to my husband could be dangerous, but I am happy to see what he comes up with, so long as he invites the right guest list to celebrate with.

And so, here I am at the start of the day, and I have no plans for how the day will turn out. Yesterday, Joshua woke up at 11am, which is early for a weekend/holiday and so it meant that I could get to a bank and post office before it closed. Given the week that he had had of seizures and wakefulness, I was not prepared to wake him so that we could play, so I left him to wake naturally. I have too much experience of me waking him up before he is ready  and he has either gone into a seizure immediately or simply refused to respond. Instead I go with the flow and allow him to dictate the starting point of his day. So let’s see what today brings, though I do not expect to see him awake for at least another four hours.

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