Wee small hours

I am up in the middle of the night as Joshua will not go to sleep, so perhaps a seizure is lurking. I have tried giving him cereal and toast, in case it was his empty stomach that was keeping him awake. But that did not seem to work and so I have reached for the prescribed sedative for the first time and I am waiting to see if it will be effective for him. I have been reluctant to use it, but we are reaching a point  when we need its soporific qualities, even though, I have been warned that it tastes vile. As I write he is standing next to me, bouncing and high-5ing me, so the signs are not good yet. He is likely to stay awake until it is light and then he will go into a deep sleep, if his past form is anything to go by.

I am taking him into school with me this morning as it is my monthly parent coffee morning later. I will be on the premises, so if he does fit later, I will be close by. But the class staff know Joshua and his seizures well now and manage him well and they have the school nurse as back up. In the past, I have been wary of sending Joshua to school when he was having a bad spell of seizures, I would feel more comfortable keeping him at home with me, where I could monitor and cuddle him closely. But his seizures are unpredictable and I could spend an entire day staring at him, hardly leaving his side, and he could be seizure-free. It is a much better option to have confidence that school staff, who can take just as good care of him. It is not easy letting go and for me, I needed to see school staff in action for myself, before I could relax and release the reins. But that trust is a massive step and cannot be rushed, every parent will go at their own pace.

There is no sign so far that the sedative is taking effect, even though I have been ignoring him while typing, hoping that he would just give up and curl up asleep like a hiburnating bear. So we will try going back to bed now, after being downstairs for over an hour, and see if lying in the dark will help nature to take its course…wish me luck

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