This is the first morning of the school holidays, when I will slip out of the door leaving both my son and husband fast asleep in bed, as they do not have to get up particularly early. I am glad that I will only have a week of that before we all head off on our family holiday. Yorkshire Grandma is taking care of Joshua today and I asked her to come round at 10 so that he gets his holiday lie in. I expect she will pack him up a sandwich and some crisps, so that they have a picnic on the beach, as the sun is shining already. I will try not to dwell too much on what they might get up to as it can make me both jealous , that I am not involved, but also can make me feel guilty that I am working, rather than taking care of my own son. But today is a particularly big day at work, and so I do not need my head to be cluttered with negative thoughts like these, but instead I am focussed on my own challenge and am just grateful that Joshua is in safe hands and will have fun.
I have mentioned before my belief in positive thinking and the impact that it can have. It is well documented that cancer sufferers who believe that they can defeat that terrible disease, have better survival rates than those who give in to it. In the main my glass is half full, except for low periods when suddenly it spills empty. I prefer to see the good in people and I strive to find silver linings, even where they are elusive. Joshua’s headteacher once described me as ‘relentlessly optimistic’, which I took as a compliment as I find that if you expect the worst to happen, then more often than not, it does and it can become a self-perpetuating cycle of negativitity. I am sure it is a means of self-defence, but it works well for me.
Joshua may well have inherited his happy-go-lucky outlook from me and I am sure it improves his quality of life too. He takes for granted that he will be looked after and will be loved wherever he goes. He never questions that his smile or hug will not be reciprocated and it rarely is ignored. Neither of our lives are turning out quite how we imagined, but we are going to make the best we can of every day.