Joshua and I were dancing to a live band at an outside event at the weekend – well I was dancing around him! I was waved over by three people, who had clearly been watching us together for some time. There were two ladies, who told me to be careful with my back, and a man. They told me that they had recently taken over a pub and that they would like to invite me and Joshua over for a complimentary meal , when they would ” make a fuss of him”. I asked them why, as I was confused.
The ladies explained that they used to work with adults with learning difficulties and they knew what hard work it was. The man explained that he had a 30 year old daughter with physical disabilities, so he understood and he told me all about her.
Now that was a very kind gesture, and they made me promise that we would come in the summer holidays. But I have to say that it also made me feel uncomfortable as the conversation continued and I have been musing since, why that my be and I think I might have worked it out:
They were sympathising with me for my situation at a time when we were having fun. They wanted to treat us and make a fuss, as though that didn’t happen very often – Joshua is always going to eat out, it is one of his favourite things to do; he is forever asking for a ‘cafe’ or ‘Donalds’. Although I know it was well-intended, it somehow managed to get my back up too and I am not sure if I will take them up on their offer or not.
In the same way as the vicar who, as I was leaving a church service with Joshua, managed to offend me by saying ” well done!” What was he congratulating me for? For getting my son out of bed , dressed and into church? For being brave enough to take him out in public, when he was shouting ” No way” during prayers? For managing to keep him entertained for the hour long service? I really don’t know and I did not stop to ask but it did rile me as it was an inappropriate thing for anyone to say, but in particular when it came from his mouth somehow.
Perhaps after 17 years of this I am too sensitive and I read too much into people’s comments, but I would urge you always to think carefully before you speak, as you never know how your words will be interpreted.