I have been carrying out some research into mental health issues amongst parents of children with special educational needs, as I am hosting an event later today in school about Anxiety. I read about the high incidence of depression and anxiety amongst those who are parenting children with learning difficulties, both from a scientific perspective and from the personal experience of professionals, who have an insight due to their own family situation. Everyone agreed with what I have witnessed in my own life, that the likelihood of suffering a mental health problem is certainly exacerbated by the presence of a more challenged child in the family : the constant worry, the sleep deprivation, the constant need to fight for services and assistance, the unpredicatability of life and the need to be alert 24/7 must all contribute towards damaging the mental health of SEN parents.
I went on to read about strategies that might help to ease our mental health. One writer’s advice that jumped out at me, was to surround yourself with other SEN parents and she described the effect of this as ” taking a deep breath, after holding my breath for so long”. These parents who inhabit my world, understand the pressures that we are all under, we support each other when we are in need and laugh with each other when things are going well. That is the support network that I am trying to create through our monthly parent coffee mornings at school. While each of our children are individuals and all have a different diagnosis, we share much in common. Joshua is not on the autistic spectrum, and many of the parents at his school are dealing with at least one child in the family with autism, but we can still share and empathise with each other. Joshua had seizures and required rescue medication I recall during the first Mental Health session that I ran in July, and it gave many of the parents there an insight into what it means to have a child with uncontrolled epilepsy.
There can be no downsides to sharing and talking to each other, while enjoying some home-baking, and if we learn something useful about mental health today while doing that, then that would be a bonus. Being a sufferer is nothing to be ashamed about, in fact in many ways, for us it is a fairly inevitable consequence of living the lives as SEN parents that we do. I hope that these informal gatherings can be a useful event every term at school and that we can begin to lose the stigma of admitting that we struggle with our own mental health – ” you can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf”