Out of Sight but Never out of Mind

I was anxious all day yesterday, wondering how Joshua was doing at school, as it is really hard to let go after the events of last weekend. The escort from his taxi to school helped first things by sending me a text that said “He’s certainly back on form, absolutely full of it!” once she had dropped him at school. That made me smile and allowed me to relax and to get through the morning without phoning school to check up on him. I was at school for a meeting at 2pm so I knew that if things had gone badly, class staff could seek me out and nobody greeted me with bad news.

My meeting overran slightly so when I came out of the meeting room, I could see Joshua waiting at reception with his TA, looking for me or wondering why he had not gone home as usual with everyone else. As he saw me, he ran down the corridor towards me and gave me a bear hug and I knew he was pleased to see me. Perhaps the school day had seemed an eternity for him too? But he had survived it in one piece and we walked happily to the car. I helped him into the front seat and then I folded the wheelchair away and loaded it and his bags into the boot.

As I got back into the drivers seat, I saw that Joshua was leaning forward, drooling and he was having a seizure! He was in that seizure for quite a long time as I reassured him, rubbed his leg and tried to hold his hand so that he knew that he was not alone. There was a gap in seizures so I set off, but then they came back with a vengeance and I needed to give him his rescue medication as he was fitting for ten minutes with no sign of relief for him. My heart sank as I gave him the potion in the car, and I could not help but think:  Here we Go again. As we waited for it to take effect, I reviewed what might have been the cause : over tiredness, excitement at being reunited, his chest infection, relief that school was over…? That really is a pointless exercise as I am unlikely to ever find out, but of course I was wondering if I sent him back to school too early? was it all too much too soon for him? I was reassured slightly when I finally got home and read his home/school diary as it did not read as though he struggled all day; it told me that he was thrilled to be back and that he greeted everyone with his ” I like you!” greeting. He had grabbed a nap at 2pm, so with hindsight perhaps a phased return, with just a morning in school, might have helped.

Once again self doubt creeps in as I cannot ask Joshua how he is feeling? Do you feel ready to go back to school or shall we leave it until Monday? He simply cannot express those ideas and so we, as his parents, have to be his voice and make these decisions for him. All I now know is that he can revert to pyjama days if that is what he needs this weekend, we only have one event in our social calendar today, he needs to be dressed and upright for an 18th birthday party tonight.

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