Joshua had a check up at the dentist yesterday before school and he was badly behaved in the waiting room : he refused to sit and wait, but was trying to get into the surgeries where all the action was. He kept pulling my glasses off and throwing them across the room. I took him to the toilet with me to pass the time ,as unusually we were early, but as soon as we were inside the disabled cubicle, he began to kick first the metal heater which made a great sound of vibration and then the wooden door. So he was being quite a thug. When we returned to the waiting room I found us a seat around the corner from other patients, and I hooked my arm inside his and I sang to him to settle him down and made him laugh by blowing raspberries. Soon enough we were called through to the special needs dentist, who knows him pretty well.
I was surprised that he cooperated enough to lie in the dentists chair and I held his hand down and she was able to see his teeth and gums. While we have been brushing with an electric brush, it is still hit and miss as to how thorough we can be as he will only tolerate it in his mouth for so long. She said that while his teeth had improved, his gums still looked sore and that he should also have his gums cleaned with a softer brush. She demonstrated and made his poor gums bleed, but he tolerated the procedure. He messed about again at reception as I made an appointment for another check up in three months time.
The dentist is not far from school so I delivered him there in about 5 minutes and he lead me to the stairs that lead to 6th form, there was no doubt that he knew where he was going. He rushed into his classroom making a grand entrance , shouting “I like you” and hugging his TA. He was clearly happy to be there and both pupils and staff seemed pleased to see him too, which I loved. I put his belongings in his locker and said goodbye, but he was busy squeezing his TA so perhaps did not hear me. When he realised that I was going, he chased after me to see “Bye Bye” and give me a hug too.
As I drove back to work, I followed a car with a bumper sticker on saying ‘ My child has autism’ on it and some smaller print beneath it that I needed to get closer to read. I was intrigued as to why you might want to tell other drivers that your child had autism and wondered if it was because the driver or child might show irratic behaviour perhaps. At a junction I got close enough to read the smaller text which said ” My child has autism – Questions are welcome but parenting advice is not!”, which I have never seen before. So this driver must have been bombarded with well-intentioned advice and had finally had enough. But I am not sure how welcome questions about autism might really be as you are struggling perhaps to encourage your anxious child back into your car!
I thought back to Joshua’s behaviour in the dentist waiting room and how nobody had made any comment, the odd stare perhaps, and a few sympathetic looks, but I am struggling now to think of a time when I have been given unwanted parenting advice. Perhaps that is because children with autism can look more ‘normal’ than Joshua – sorry I hate to use the word normal – and so they can simply appear to be naughty. But Joshua with his splints and built up boots perhaps looks as though he has special needs and certainly his learning difficulties are clear once he speaks, so that is perhaps I have been spared that advice and instead I have frequently received the head on one side, sympathetic smile, the pat on the arm or am told ‘well done’, all of which drive me mad but I have learnt to smile graciously,even though I am inwardly snarling.