So, we survived our first busy day since Mum died and we achieved a great deal. We had three matters to attend to, to start the official ball rolling in acknowledging Mum’s death : to collect the medical certificate of death from the hospital, to register Mum’s death and to take the necessary paperwork to the Funeral Directors. They were all big , serious tasks and once again, we consider ourselves fortunate that we were able to do them together, as all of those venues would have felt more daunting alone.
We arrived at the hospital 30 minutes before the Bereavement Centre opened and we were both shocked by the physical reaction that we had to turning into the approach road to the hospital car park. At the same point precisely, our stomachs flipped and we felt sick : just knowing that we had arrived, only this time it was not to visit Mum on the ward. That nauseous feeling continued into the car park and when walking along the main corridor. We went into a cafe, one we had never used before, for a cup of tea and a toasted teacake to calm our nerves and to fill the time, and that did the trick. Collecting the paperwork was a fairly painless process in the end and the lady there helpfully advised us on the next stage of our journey to the Registrar.
As it was pouring with rain, we took a taxi to the Registry where we had been warned, without an appointment, we would be asked to simply wait our turn. So we settled down, in full view of reception, so that we would not be forgotten, and we watched families come and go, some in pain to register a death and others delighting in registering the new life in their families. But it was only 20 minutes or so before we were called through and a very human, helpful registrar took our details and printed off the death certificates that we requested.
We were feeling as though we were on a roll then, so we walked 5 minutes, in the rain, to a branch of Mum’s bank to inform them. There was a lot of information to take in at the bank and it took some time to untangle Mum’s varied accounts. We were reminded of Mum’s kindness as we saw a list of her standing orders and direct debits to cherished charities such as Wateraid, Great Ormond Street Hospital and Cerebra. We thanked the helpful lady but I felt rather woozy on leaving the bank, so we stopped for some lunch and a sit down, to recover ourselves as we had achieved all of that by lunchtime. Then we drove back to Mum’s hometown and confident in our resilience, we went straight to the funeral directors where some difficult decisions had to be made. The funeral date still has to be finalised, but we now know that at least it will not be next week, so we have some time to pace ourselves.
On leaving there, I just wanted to go back to mum’s house, I did not want to see anyone else but I needed a cup of tea and a nap in Mum’s lounge. We needed time to assimilate all that we had been told and to congratulate each other on how brave and efficient we had been. We rested, took some phone calls, wandered in the garden and then did some chores : I did some ironing and my sister hoovered up and did some dusting. We both knew, without saying it out loud, that Mum’s high standards had to be maintained, even in times of crisis.
We both drove back to our family homes last night, which felt very welcome but strange at the same time, after an intense 24 hours together. Joshua gave me three big bear hugs when I arrived home and dogs never fail to give me an enthusiastic welcome. It seemed that I had been away from home for ages, as I checked if the puppies had doubled in size, but then I reminded myself that it had only been 24 hours. It was reassuring in a way to find things at home, the same, when everything had shifted, irreversibly at Mum’s house. We are well on the journey now…..