I thought that the day of the funeral would be the most emotional day of the week , but yesterday came close too. Maybe because we had been so busy and had been so brave on Thursday, emotions found their way out yesterday, when we least expected them:
After two hours sleep, I could not sleep anymore and I began pottering around Mum’s house; I wanted to bake , as that is my solace, but Mum’s eggs expired in April, so I was cursing Waitrose for not being open at 3 am for me to buy some fresh eggs. So I put a load of washing on and I read, and eventually I catnapped on the settee. I was delighted when my sister and Joshua joined me downstairs for breakfast around 8 and we discussed our plan for the day and more reflections on the funeral.
We invited Mum’s three sisters,and their partners, round for coffee at 10 and it was lovely to see them all again. We sat in Mum’s lounge reminiscing , while Joshua breezed in and out. I had discovered a singing dog that, when you squeezed his foot sang ” Singing in the Rain”, that Mum had bought for young Joshua and he had played it over and over again whenever he was at Granny’s house. When I produced it yesterday, initially he had thrown it across the kitchen dismissively, scattering the batteries across the floor. He seemed to be saying that he was an adult now and had no interest in such childish toys now, so it sat in the kitchen. While our Aunts were round and the crowd became too overwhelming for him, he would disappear to the kitchen where the dog could be heard singing in the rain on repeat, being watched by a happy Joshua.
We had to leave the sisters behind as we had an appointment with Mum’s solicitor at 11, so we said our goodbyes and told them to make themselves at home there for as long as they wanted. We both shed some tears at the solicitors; for me the thoughtful provision that Granny had made for Joshua’s future ,in terms of a trust, was overwhelming. But as we left, I felt reassured that Mum had left her affairs in such order that we could manage to do the necessary , with just a little advice and guidance. Mum had faith that we were adequate executors for her will, so once again, we will step up to the job in hand and do our best to ensure that her wishes are adhered to.
When we got back to Mum’s house, we were ” wrung out” and all sat in shock ,drinking endless cups of tea. It was with reluctance that we packed up our belongings and left her home clean and tidy, until we visit again, and we made some loose plans to return together again before too long. But for now, we all need a quiet weekend at home, doing normal weekend things, crying some more when required, and trying to adjust to the next phase of our lives, one where we are the grown ups!