Tearful Times

I have never had a stiff-upper lip but I have always worn my heart on my sleeve. I have always shown my emotions and yesterday was yet another emotional day: It was the last parent coffee morning at school, so I took Joshua into school, leaving my husband digging a grave for our beloved dog, Max. As we arrived at school, I saw so many children carrying in flowers and chocolates to thank their teachers for their year in school. I had brought some home-baking for the sixth form staff to enjoy together as our thank you.

The core group of parents attended the coffee morning and we discussed a wide range of topics, including how everyone felt about the long 6 week summer with their children at home. For many of those there, it was a matter of survival and they were already counting the days until September, Most of them were planning days out rather than a holiday away somewhere, so it was refreshing to hear from one single Mum who was looking forward to some quality holiday time with her teenaged son. I am firmly in that camp, Joshua will enjoy some lie ins followed by some days out with Yorkshire Grandma, then we will have our fortnight’s family holiday together in August, which I am counting the days until.

Part way through the coffee morning, two sixth formers brought me their scrap books to sign as they were leaving the school : I browsed through their books, admiring the photographs, and wrote messages wishing them well for the future. I was very touched to be asked but as soon as they had left the room, my tears flowed uncontrollably  as I will miss those young people who I got to know pretty well over the years, but of course, that will be Joshua this time next year, so all that emotion came crashing down on me.

After coffee morning, a group of us Mums had arranged to go out for lunch to celebrate the end of term – or to ‘mark the end of freedom’ as one of them put it! In the morning I had not felt that I could join them, even though it had been my idea. But I decided to have a starter with them and then leave early in the end and I am glad that I did that. It was a lovely restaurant and we had a good time, so I am hoping that it will become a tradition as we all need some time and treats just for ourselves.

I left after my delicious and filling starter, to help my Husband lower Max into his grave and then cover him up and plant a rose on top of him. Sadly we have quite a pet graveyard in our garden now , so he is placed next to his two brothers and his Mum. So of course we both cried during that process, so by the evening I was wrung out and I do not think that I had any tears left to shed. For me, crying is a release and I cannot hold back tears when they need to flow, but I would have thought that there would be a limit as to how much I can cry and I must have got close to that limit over the past 8 weeks.

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