9/11

I am expecting this to be an emotional week as Mum should have been 80 years old on Wednesday , so this will be the first big anniversary that we have had to face since she died over three months ago now. My sister and I booked the day off work some time ago, knowing that we could not concentrate on such a day and knowing that we needed to be together to mark Mum’s birthday. We had originally planned to meet up together for lunch and retail therapy half way between where we both live, but now we have changed the plan and we will be at Mum’s house together all day. We plan to make a start on sorting through some of her things but I insisted that we also have a celebration lunch out in her honour, and we are confident that Mum would approve of this plan – she would want us to get a move on on house clearing and she was never a fan of shopping!

Such an anniversary has got me thinking of past birthday celebrations, as we always make an effort to get together around birthdays in our family. Increasingly Mum did not want gifts that she had to find a home for, so last year, we three went to Harrogate for a weekend for her birthday treat and it was the best gift idea. We three spent some quality, fun time together and we laughed until our faces ached. On that trip for her 79th birthday, we were trying to persuade Mum to plan a bigger, brighter weekend for her 80 th celebration. She threatened to go abroad alone if we threw her a surprise birthday party. Yet now, here we are, without her – it does not feel real even now. I wonder how long it takes to properly sink in? I imagine that it is the brain’s way of protecting me from the pain of grief. Mum has appeared to me in two dreams now and again, I think my sub-conscious must be trying to adjust to the loss while I am sleeping.

The 11th of September for the last 18 years has always been a significant date in the news and for the families of the Twin Towers disaster, but in our family, it was always an important date and never more so, than now. As a child, Mum’s birthday was really exciting as it meant just over a fortnight until my own birthday – Mum’s birthday cards were never on display for long as they had to make way for my cards. This , our first year without her to celebrate with us, will be tough and emotional, but we will toast the very special lady that she was, together, and celebrate her life in style.

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