Every morning starts a new day : Joshua went to bed last night, dosed up with Midazolam, with a head bewildered with the after effects of electrical activity in his brain. His body was exhausted but he could not sleep, his brain would not let him sleep until 2 am. During the evening, he would come downstairs and I would walk him back up to bed. On the final occasion, at 11pm, I climbed into bed next to him – perhaps he needed company or a cuddle. I did this to get him to sleep from him being small – so much so that we invested in a double bed for him when he was 2 years old as he was never in there alone and so we thought that at least we should both be comfortable. But more recently he has not wanted me in there and neither of us sleep well when it does happen, that I never last the whole night. So we both coughed and wriggled until 2 am ,when I finally decided to climb out and get into my own bed, hoping that he stayed put and managed some sleep, to allow me the same luxury.
So my night of sleep lasted from after 2am until 7.30. I was delighted to see that the sun was making an appearance and the endless rain seemed to have stopped. Then even better than the sunshine, Joshua appeared down the stairs an hour later, with a big smile on his face. Whatever muddle his brain was in from yesterday’s seizures and Midazolam, seem to have dissipated overnight. He greedily ate his porridge and then settled down on the settee in his den for a rest. The anesthetic stays in his system for at least 24 hours and so he is likely to be subdued today as it works itself out, but he must feel better than he did.
The thoughts and worries that go through your mind at 2 am, are usually exaggerated and often somewhat distorted. I find that most things feel better in the morning, as today is a new day. A fresh page that is still to be written and that we can influence, whereas yesterday is behind us and cannot be changed. So onwards and upwards, we pick ourselves up, brush ourselves down and face another new day…..