Out of Control

I was at hospital with Mum last Tuesday afternoon, Wednesday evening, Thursday afternoon and Friday morning, so I was able to see, live, exactly how she was and what the  doctors and nurses were doing and saying to her. Now that I have come home,  I have lost that knowledge and I am reliant on Mum’s sparse texts, any emails if she writes and sends them and updates from other visitors during visiting times and I found that difficult to handle, as I wanted more than that. My Aunt was not able to visit until 2 pm and so the morning was very quiet in terms of news, other than Mum’s text condemning the porridge compared to her previous hospital! It seemed that Mum lost her Wi-Fi connection and her hands were in spasm, so typing was not going to be easy in any case. So I had to rely on my Aunt for news and that could only come in the afternoon.

So while it was all quiet from hospital, I had to keep myself busy to prevent myself from worrying too much. So at 10 am, I took Joshua with me to Tesco, which was a perfect distraction, as that is a full time job in itself. All of the Disabled spaces in the car park were full so we had to walk from further away, but he ran towards the trolleys, keen to get started. I found that I had left my shopping list behind, so I had to try and remember what I had written on it, while trying to steer Joshua’s trolley to avoid obstacles. I think he only bumped into one lady, so that was pretty successful and she smiled, kindly. We gathered what he would allow and headed for the checkout. Joshua usually sits on the seats behind the tills, glad of a rest and watches me unload then pack and pay for the shopping. But he only had a quick rest and then he came to give me a hug and kiss – the till operator was impressed by how loving he was and I agreed with her, but added that she could not see the kick to the shins and ankles that I had also been receiving, so I warned her not to be too fooled by him.

We were home for around an hour, before we headed out to our nearest market town, with the wheelchair this time, as we had some jobs to do. Joshua was not keen to remain in his wheelchair in the jewellers, where I was getting a watch strap adjusted. I let him stand up out of his chair and so he began roaming around the store, creating mischief and waving at customers, then giving me little kicks to let me know that he was fed up of waiting. An autistic man fired questions at us, when he overheard Joshua’s name : what school did he go to? when was he born? Then he told me that Joshua was 18 and was born on a Thursday! I knew that he was actually born on a Monday, as we went in to be induced on Sunday night, but I did not like to argue with this young man who clearly thought that he had a special talent, so I left the store giggling to myself. After the first shop, Joshua required to eat lunch so we had two failed attempts at places that were already too full and on the third attempt we found a cafe that suited us well : we each found something we liked to eat , it was spacious enough to bring the wheelchair in out of the rain and there were both staff and customers who were prepared to wave back to Joshua. We enjoyed our tasty lunch then headed back outside in the rain, Joshua being more subdued now that he was full.

So Joshua did a great job of distracting me and by the time we got back home, there were Whats App updates about Mum. I found it hard to let go today, after being so involved and hands on, so much so that I am already planning when I can return to visit again.