Happy Father’s Day

It is odd but since our Mum died, both my sister and I have found ourselves reflecting much more on Dad , who died 5 years ago now. I , like Mum, have christian faith and so I know that my parents are re-united, pain-free, in heaven, so that makes death much more tolerable. My tears of grief are actually for myself and others, rather than for Mum, as we will miss her, but her soul, I am confident, is in heaven , where it will last forever.Her presence is all around us : my sister met a portion of rainbow over her house, when there was no rain, when she arrived home on Friday evening and nobody will convince me that was not Mum comforting her. Last night as it was almost going dark, my husband and I walked to see  a white birch tree that we had planted with Mum’s vouchers for Joshua’s 18th birthday, on her instructions ; the moon was full and silver and the sky was a beautiful pink, the whole scene was ethereal.

Our Mum and Dad were a great team, a wonderful partnership, as we were growing up. They complemented each other and I cannot recall any cross words , ever, in our household. My Dad would mutter if he was unhappy about something, but there were no raised voices, and I am much the same, as I detest shouting. They were a calm, honest, reliable presence throughout our lives and now I am happy to try to step into those big shoes that have been left empty.

Joshua’s Dad has really had taken on a lot of responsibility lately; as well as grieving himself, as he adored our Mum, he has been there in support of my sister and me , as well as taking on a greater childcare role than usual. So all of his husband, brother in law and father duties have increased, to allow me to fully focus on the loss of my Mum and I am really grateful for that. At Mum’s house on Thursday, he could even be found hoovering, which is a rare sight, and he went to the shops to buy the ingredients for and cooked my sister and I, fajitas on Thursday evening, when we thought that we did not really feel hungry. He has fallen into the background in a solid supporting role, just exactly as we needed. I don’t think that ‘Husbands Day’ or ‘Brother in law Day’ exist, so we will just make a fuss of him today, on Fathers’ Day instead.

Happy Father’s Day

There are several people that I am thinking of today on Father’s Day : mostly I am thinking about my own Dad who passed away over 18 months ago. He was a strong influence in our lives, he taught us about working hard, helping others and he taught me and my sister, right from wrong. He took care of most of our extended family, without complaining, and he had the greenest fingers that I have known. I still miss him of course, but I am very comforted by feeling his presence all around me regularly and so I know that he is still looking after our family.

But today is the first Father’s Day without my father in law too, and so I know that my husband and his two sisters will also be feeling their loss in their lives today, as even grown-ups need their Dads.It will also be the first Fathers day for Yorkshire Grandad’s family without him around and so I send his daughter and grandchildren , a virtual hug. I know from experience that their Father’s Day will never feel quite the same again.

Joshua is lucky enough to have his Dad in his life and he frequently calls his name and hugs him. My husband often jokes that he is number 4 in Joshua’s priorities : he wants his Mummy first, then Yorkshire Grandma , then Granny, and only if none of them are around, then he will settle for his Dad. But that is not true and after I have been away for  a prolonged period, then he becomes much more dependent on his Dad and calls for his assistance more often. So that father/son time is precious and it needs time to be developed.Joshua does not want to do the ‘normal’ things that other teenagers do with their Dads : my husband is sad that he will not teach his son to drive or take him to the pub for a pint and a game of pool for instance – but Joshua loves an orange juice with ice in a pub and he is a great front seat passenger in the car. He enjoys so many other shared experiences with our lad;  They share a mutual love of dogs and of rock music – they can often be found enjoying YouTube clips together in the armchair. And Joshua is much more affectionate than most 15 year olds, so he shows his love rather than expressing it.

So today is for all the loved fathers out there, whether they are still living or have sadly passed on, we thank them and we think of them , everyday, but even more than usual today.