Cry Baby

I had been so proud of myself on Sunday, for keeping a lid on my emotions at Joshua’s leaving party, but when I got home I wept uncontrollably, especially when I read all the staff messages in his card and later when I spoke to his keyworker, when she had tucked him into bed for the last time. I was still weepy in the morning, thinking about going to collect Joshua and I cried several times in the car on the drive over.

I arrived at 10 am, as requested, to find a smartly dressed, showered Joshua waiting on the settee with two members of staff. I handed over the bouquet that I had bought for the team and cried, then hugged those staff. Joshua hugged me too and looked curious as to why was mum so upset. We loaded him and his luggage and wheelchair into the car and there were more tears and hugs. My eyes still prickle when I think of one lady thanking me for sharing him with them and one man telling me that he was a credit to myself and my husband. They insisted that we return for a cup of coffee in the future, so that yesterday was not a final goodbye. It is never easy to go back, but I want to ensure that we do keep in touch as they will always have a special place in our hearts.

So it was a highly emotional morning , so much so that I needed a nap when I got home with Joshua , when he went upstairs to watch The Show in his bedroom. I felt much better and more rational when I woke up, although I had puffy eyes for the rest of the day.Joshua was delighted to be back with us and we enjoyed a fun day together; he is always my shadow after a spell in respite, as though he needs to keep me near for a while, so it was good to have the extra bank holiday Monday off together. It is back to school today but for just a four day week and then in three weeks time already, it will be half term already….

We have been brought face to face with Transition again this week, as I, not Joshua, struggle to adapt to change. Of course I reflect on how much more upsetting leaving school will be next July. If I sobbed so hard to leave respite after almost four years, when he went there every fourth weekend, how much tougher will it be to leave school where he will have been for 9 years, five days a week? I have never attended the Leavers assembly at school, but I can imagine that I would be an emotional wreck after that. Still we have over another year to worry about that, so for now, we are going to make the most of a four day school week…..!

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