All Change!

Yesterday morning at work, I got the telephone call that I have been waiting for,  for a couple of weeks : our social worker rang to tell me that our choice of adult respite provision has been approved by panel. I knew that it was being heard ten days ago but since then, there had been silence and so I was beginning to fear that it had been rejected and that we would have to go through the painful appeals process.

But no, the decision was made and actually approved a week ago. So now we are free to begin the introductions process apparently, so that there should be no gap in provision. When Joshua first went to his current provision, we had a lengthy induction process with him staying longer every month : the first month we took him for tea and stayed with him, then a month later we dropped him off for tea but left him to it. Then the following month he stayed a full Saturday and we picked him up after tea and then, he stayed for a full Saturday, both day and night. So it was only in month five that he stayed for his whole weekend. This phased introduction was to give him the chance to get familiar with the place and staff and for them to learn more about him. When we had the assessment at home, I had explained that Joshua was very laid back and that he handles change well and that I had never known him pine for me or get upset when I left him somewhere, such as nursery or school. But they had a set routine for phased introductions for every child.

This time, now he is an adult, I am hopeful that we can condense his introductions into a shorter period and hopefully use the Easter holidays to get started with some daytime visits. Joshua still does not pine or get upset when I leave him but he is certainly more aware than he was 3 years ago, nowadays. When he first began at his current provision, their main challenge was the fact that he was asleep all the time. They had to plan activities in the day for when they thought that he might be most likely to be awake and he was often curled up on their settee asleep. He rarely sleeps in the daytime now as his nighttime routine is so much better, so he is much livelier than he was back then and he needs more managing and entertaining.

The two downsides of him being more lively are that:

  • He has developed attention-seeking behaviours , such as kicking walls and doors, to ensure that he is not ignored and that he gets his own way. Unfortunately he occasionally also kicks people’s shins or ankles, particularly if they have their back to him or if they are talking to someone other than him!
  • He is more aware that he is being left somewhere new, with new people. In the old days, he was too sleepy to object or probably notice that we were leaving him somewhere. But now he is more conscious of change and while he will not object, we have seen a more timid side to him, He will hold my hand tightly when we arrive somewhere and he will be quieter than normal, while he processes what might be going on.

But on the positive side, he will be able to express if he is not happy in the new provision now, he votes with his feet, whereas in the past he would not really have had the energy or awareness to object. So his feedback will be invaluable in those transition days, as we have chosen where we think he will like best and where suits us for its convenience, now it is over to them to make him feel welcome and  to him, to give our choice his seal of approval.

Joshua is much better at change than I am, he does not look back ever, once he has moved on. So he loves his current respite provision and staff but he has shown that he moves on well, without a backward glance. Joshua is about the here and now. I have known teaching assistants that he has been really close to at school , so much so that you cannot think that he will tolerate a new one. But within days, he is hugging the new TA and blanks the previous one in the corridor, much to my embarrassment. I guess it is a useful survival technique to focus on the here and now and once something or someone is gone from your life, do not mourn their loss, but make new connections instead. We certainly have interesting times up ahead and I am so grateful that our choice has been approved.