This recent weekend was due to be Joshua’s last respite weekend at his children’s provision as it should end when he turns 18. However as we have not yet finalised where he will go as an adult, we have asked for a few months’ extension, to give us some breathing space to identify his new provision and to begin the transition process. This request has to be approved by OFSTED I understand, so it is not simply a matter of his provision having room for him. I want their help in briefing the new adult provision too, as they are best placed to explain what he is like while under their care as he is bound to be a different person that when he is at home.
I have been told that he was on top, affectionate and flirty form while we were away this weekend and so they have enjoyed having him there. He was flicking the staff’s hair and pony tails to get their attention and putting his face very close to theirs – he is comfortable to invade the staff’s personal space. I hope that he is able to build that same kind of relationship with the staff at the adult provision but they may be more stand-offish as they are dealing with adults rather than children. My concern is that, just because of his 18th birthday, it will not change Joshua’s personality or needs, his mental age will not increase, just his physical size.
That is why the staff and the culture of the place, is more important to me than immaculate walls and large en-suite bedrooms. I need to be able to picture Joshua somewhere and to feel that he will be treated as he needs , and wants, to be cared for. I am looking for a home from home, where I feel that he can be happy. Joshua’s short breaks are not about us getting rid of him so that we can get away and relax without our caring responsibilities – although we really really enjoyed our weekend in Spain! I need to know that he will be having fun away from his parents, that he will be mixing with other young adults of his own age, doing activities that he enjoys and to know that he will be safe at all times. Joshua’s happiness and safety have always been priorities for me, and that comes down to the staff that work with him, both at school and in respite.
Once we have finally got respite organised, we will then quickly need to turn our attention to looking at Daycare options for him, to replace school from July 2020, which will be another wrench. Again school will support us with that transition but even so, I am not looking forward to that big change. It is all made more difficult by the fact that Joshua is oblivious to the change that is about to happen, all he knows is the here and now, that he loves the staff that he sees daily at school and monthly at respite, he trusts them to make the right choices with him. Joshua’s fast approaching adult status is irrelevant to him. The single good thing about all this unsettling change is that Joshua is much better at it than I am; although he is clearly happy where he is, he is unlikely to be too distressed by a change of setting. Perhaps he could teach his Mum how to handle change better?